


these days mainly losing you

by MaliciousVegetarian



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Babies, Betrayal, F/F, Yennefer invents polaroids, Yennefer saves the baby from the beach, brief mention of child endangerment, but I think it's neat of her, that's not plot relevant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29759397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaliciousVegetarian/pseuds/MaliciousVegetarian
Summary: After Yennefer disappears from Aedirn, leaving an assassinated queen and princess in her wake, Tissaia sends her old flame Triss to bring her back into the fold.
Relationships: Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 16
Kudos: 15
Collections: The Witcher Quick Fic #7





	these days mainly losing you

**Author's Note:**

> Here we goooooo! This was a really fun one to write.
> 
> Warnings: brief discussion of child endangerment
> 
> Title from A Complete List of Fears Ages 6-28 (Aprox) by The Yellow Dress

Chasing after Yennefer has been like trying to capture smoke, Triss thinks as she slogs through the undergrowth. She’s been tracking her for months, months full of leads that faded away like dew in the morning. Sometimes, Triss has thought Yennefer was taunting her. It would be just like her.

But this time, this time she has it. She’s been following rumors of a mage living in the woods, and when she’d tried to portal in, she’d found powerful wards preventing her. This has to be it. She’d sent word to Tissaia and begun the trek through the woods.

She’d been asked to track Yennefer down as soon as the other sorceress had left Aedirn. Tissaia knew the two of them had been close, so Triss had been a natural choice.

The house she finds is small and comfortable, squat with a shingled roof and an unpainted wood door. Taking a deep breath, she lifts a shaking hand and knocks.

The door opens with the person on the other side standing behind it. “Hello?” Yennefer’s voice says warily.

“Yenna? It’s me, Triss.” The door opens the rest of the way. Yennefer stands there, hair pulled back in a messy braid, dark circles under her violet eyes, a brownish stain on her plain gray dress. There’s a baby perched on one hip, watching Triss with wide eyes. Triss stares back.

“Triss,” Yennefer repeats, suspicion plain in her voice. “What are you doing here?”

Triss has had almost a year to prepare for this moment. She’s gone through what she’ll say to Yennefer, how she’ll convince her, how she’ll win her trust. But now, in the moment, she’s struck dumb. “I-”

“You’re here to bring me back, aren’t you?”

“No!” The word spills out of Triss with a force she wasn’t expecting, considering that’s exactly what she’s doing. Or at least, letting Tissaia know, so she can bring Yennefer back into the fold.

“Then what are you doing?”

“I’m here to - I missed you, Yenna.”

Yennefer’s face relaxes a little, and she opens the door wider. “I missed you too, sunflower.”

The old pet name tugs at Triss’s heartstrings, but she pushes the feeling aside. “Who’s this,” she asks, gesturing at the baby, who has now stuck a fist in her mouth and is half hiding her face in Yennefer’s shoulder.

“This is Siana,” Yennefer says. “The former princess of Aedirn.”

Triss can feel her eyes going wide. “You stole a princess?”

“I _saved_ a princess,” Yennefer corrects. “Her father was displeased she wasn’t a boy, so he sent assassins after her and the queen. I wasn’t able to save her mother.”

“Ah.”

“Yes.”

Siana takes her drooly hand out of her mouth and makes a little noise that sounds like, “Ah!”

“She wants her lunch. Here, come in.”

Triss follows Yennefer into the room. The cabin doesn’t seem to have any dividing walls, with a bed and crib tucked in one corner, and a wood stove and table in the center. It’s not at all how Triss had ever imagined Yennefer’s living quarters would look like - there are toys scattered everywhere, a tall chair with a tray cattycorner to the table, several pans soaking on the stove. She assumes this is just the clutter that comes with a baby.

With a deft hand, Yennefer slips Siana into the chair. She takes a bowl from a hutch standing against the wall, and scoops oatmeal from a pot, then takes a little wooden spoon and sits in a chair in front of the baby. “You can take your shoes off.

Triss complies, watching as Yennefer fills the spoon with oatmeal and balances it on the edge of the bowl. Siana grabs it awkwardly and slams it into her mouth, dropping half of it in the process.

“I’m trying to teach her to eat with a spoon,” Yennefer explains, scooping up the escaped porridge. “It’s a work in progress.”

Triss smiles. Yennefer repeats the process, and this time most of the oatmeal makes it into Siana’s mouth. She swallows and bangs her fist happily on the tray, then seems to remember Triss is there and ducks her head shyly, bright brown eyes fixed on the stranger. Triss tries to smile. She’s never been sure how to act around babies.

Lunch is finished quickly, and Yennefer pulls out a rag, wets it, and begins wiping the baby’s face. Siana accepts the ministrations with grace.

“So,” Yennefer says, not looking at Triss. “I suppose you’ll be staying here tonight.”

The distance in her voice makes Triss’s stomach tie up in knots. She remembers so well when Yennefer has spoken to her with such warmth, and the contrast is a little heartbreaking.

“I suppose I will,” she says, trying to make her own voice as friendly as possible. Yennefer looks at her appraisingly.

“Here. Can you watch Siana while I clean?”

Triss has no idea how to entertain a child of this age, but she nods. She needs to stay in Yennefer’s good graces. The other sorceress lifts Siana from her chair and places her in a corner with a toy box. There are books and several wooden or clockwork toys scattered around.

“The books are enchanted so she can’t rip the pages. Right now she likes turning them more than hearing the stories, so read fast. Take anything you need out of the chest. She likes this one.” Yennefer bends down and hands Triss a toy with several figures popped up and levers at the bottom. “She knows how to push the people down but you have to turn the levers to bring them back up.”

She sets the toy in front of Siana, who immediately takes one small hand and pushes the middle figure, an archer, down. Yennefer whispers to her encouragingly. Triss fights the urge to look away from the tender scene, the feeling that she shouldn’t be here ringing in her bones. 

Nevertheless, she kneels in front of the baby and Yennefer steps away to the stove, beginning to move the pans into a large basin. Siana pushes the other two figures, a swordsman and a person on horseback down, then looks around for Yennefer. Triss reaches out and turns the handles, and one by one the little figures pop back up. Still looking at Yennefer, Siana pushes them down again. Then she pushes the toy away, grabs the nearest book, which is small and easy for her to hold, turns it over in her hands, and passes it to Triss. Triss opens it and begins reading in as excited a voice as she can manage.

When she finishes, she’s not sure what to do with the book, so she hands it back to Siana. Siana examines it for a moment, then hands it right back to her. Triss glances at Yennefer, who’s taken a sturdy bucket from the corner and is heading for the door. “She wants you to read it again,” Yennefer tells her. Triss opens the book and starts over, finding no matter how hard she tries, she can’t muster quite the same enthusiasm as the first time.

After that, Siana picks up another book, and they read that one several times. As Triss is reading, the baby crawls to her chair, clings to it and pulls herself up, then toddles across the room at a fast pace. She falls and catches herself on the meaty part of her hands. Triss rushes to see if she's alright, but Siana just pushes herself back up and starts gathering forward momentum again, completely unfazed.

Yennefer returns with a bucket of water, and Triss watches as she pours it into the basin full of dishes and flicks a hand to heat it. A small hand tugs the shoulder of her shirt, and she turns to see Siana's face inches from her own. It's startling, but also makes Triss feel as if the baby trusts her. Suddenly, she's flooded with emotions.

Yennefer finishes the dishes quickly, and pulls a large bag of clothes from next to the bed. As she repeats the water, Triss asks, "Why don't you just clean them with magic?" It would certainly be easier, especially while looking after a baby. 

Yennefer shrugs one shoulder. “I want to save my chaos, for if someone comes after us. And the less magic I do, the less chance I’ll draw Tissaia’s attention.”

 _Tissaia isn’t the one you need to worry about,_ Triss thinks uncomfortably. The idea of bringing Yennefer back seems suddenly deeply selfish. Is she actually going to turn them in? The xenovox in the pouch tied to her hip seems suddenly heavy. “That’s sensible,” she says, trying to keep her voice from wavering. She’s terrified it will give her away. Yennefer has always been so good at reading her.

Luckily, at that moment Siana, having pulled herself up again, crashes into Yennefer and wraps her arms around her legs, babbling. Yennefer breaks into a grin and scoops her up, holding her over her head and making a silly face. Siana squeals in delight.

Again, Triss feels like she should look away, like she’s intruding on something almost sacred. Yennefer is less put together than Triss has ever seen her, and she looks overwhelmingly in love with this tiny human, who clearly loves her back.

Suddenly, Triss wonders what would happen if she stayed. If she didn’t go back to Tissaia, and found a way to slot herself neatly into the life Yennefer has made for herself. She can see the two of them taking walks, swinging Siana between them. Taking turns reading bedtime stories and giving goodnight kisses. Getting splashed with water at bathtime.

She could make a life here, with the two of them. She’d never really fantasized about running off with Yennefer, because she’d been too busy fantasizing about coming back with her, about talking Foltest into taking on another court mage, the two of them sharing chambers and knowing looks as they kept a careful watch on the country’s politics.

But now, she sees the appeal of going out on their own. In this little house, she can let the weight and responsibility of court roll off her shoulders like water from a duck’s back. She could have a little garden here, maybe. A little trellis with morning glories, something she’s always wanted.

She does her best to help Yennefer through the rest of their routine, but ends up feeling fairly useless, despite all her daydreaming earlier that afternoon. Yennefer hangs the clothes to dry on the ends of the bed, and when they’re dry asks Triss to fold them while she plays on the floor with Siana. Then Triss sits with the baby again while Yennefer cooks squash and peas for dinner, putting Siana’s on a little plate and sticking it to the table with a drop of magic. Yennefer sees Triss watching her and shrugs. “If I don’t, she throws the plate across the room. It’s awful to clean up.”

Triss smiles. Yennefer looks so lovely, standing there in candle light with her hair stubbornly flying out of her braid, catching the light and giving her a bit of a halo. Triss has to remind herself that Yennefer isn’t hers to touch, the way she once was.

 _But maybe she could be again,_ a traitorous voice in her head whispers.

Triss is so busy watching Yennefer and Siana eat she almost entirely neglects her own plate. Siana eats with her hands, and every few handfuls holds one out to Yennefer, who pretends to eat it with a, “Mmmmm, thank you!” As Triss watches, she realizes her plate has tilted so far in her lap that her peas are about to roll onto the floor.

After dinner is finished and chunks of squash have been removed from Siana’s shirt, Yennefer begins pulling a little coat over the baby’s hands. “We go for a walk after dinner,” she tells Triss. “You’re welcome to come if you want.” Triss nods and pushes the door open. Yennefer follows after her, Siana perched on one hip.

The woods surrounding the cottage are lovely, especially with the setting sun backlighting them. Yennefer points out plants and animals they see, identifying them for Siana. The baby makes noises that seem to be trying to copy Yennefer after a few of them, making Triss wonder how many times they’ve seen them out here. How long have they been here in the first place? She hadn’t given Yennefer jumping around a second thought when she’d been tracking her, but the baby makes everything more complicated.

They go back inside, and Yennefer begins going through the routine of putting Siana to bed, changing her diaper and pulling a new shift over her head. The baby seems tired, but stands at the bars of the crib grizzling until Yennefer returns with a book and begins to read to her. Then Siana settles. Yennefer moves to begin blowing out the candles. Triss watches the smoke curl around her face, the light from the remaining candles swirling in her eyes. She imagines leaning through the smoke and kissing Yennefer, placing one hand on her back and leaning in.

“You’ll have to sleep on the floor,” Yennefer whispers to Triss. “I’ll get you blankets and a pillow.”

Triss nods. She’d been expecting that and doesn’t mind. Not thinking, she pulls her pouch off and tosses it into the corner. Frowning, Yennefer bends down and picks something up. The xenovox.

“Triss?” There’s a tremor to Yennefer’s voice that makes Triss’s blood run cold. “What is this?”

“It’s-” Yennefer doesn’t let her finish.

“You were going to give our location away. Who to? No, that’s a stupid question. It has to be Tissaia.”

“I wasn’t - I hadn’t decided -” Triss trails off. There’s nothing she can say to defend herself.

Yennefer snorts. “You hadn’t _decided_? You’re on the brink of ruining our lives and you hadn’t decided what you were going to do? What do you think Tissaia would do with Siana? At _best,_ she’d put her through Aretuza. At worst, she’d kill her. And what do you think the king of Aedirn would do if he found out people who knew he’d assassinated his wife were still alive?”

Triss feels as if she’s been struck. She tries to say something, but her tongue is heavy in her mouth. In the crib, Siana begins to cry.

“You’re playing with our lives, Triss! What do you have to say for yourself?”

Triss still can’t say anything. Yennefer’s face is a mask of disgust. 

“Leave. Leave, and don’t come back. If I see you again, I’ll - I don’t know what I’ll do, so just leave.”

“I won’t - I won’t give you away.”

“I don’t care. Get out.”

Triss turns and walks out of the cabin, not bothering to close the door behind her. The last she sees of Yennefer is her scooping Siana out of the crib. She half runs through the brush til she’s out of the portal barrier. As soon as she crosses the threshold, she portals away, falling to her knees in the sand and sobbing.

Epilogue: Sodden

The gathering of mages is about to begin. Triss is looking around and trying to pretend she isn’t. She’s hoping for familiar dark hair and bright eyes.

After several long moments, she catches sight of her. Yennefer looks much more put together than the last time Triss saw her, almost fifty years ago now. Triss pushes through the crowd to the other sorceress’s side.

“Hello,” she says quietly, not sure what reaction she’ll get.

Yennefer gives her a small, polished smile. “Hello, Triss.”

“I - I’ve missed you. I thought - I didn’t look for you, after I left.”

“You wouldn’t have found us if you had.”

Triss shuffles her feet, playing with the long sleeves of her dress. “Do you - How’s Siana?”

A genuine smile breaks out on Yennefer’s face. “She’s wonderful. She has children of her own now.” She pulls something from a hidden pocket of her dress and hands it over. It’s a grayscale picture, far more lifelike than any painting, showing two women standing with three children gathered around them. Triss takes it carefully, afraid to touch the surface. She looks carefully at the women.

“This is her?”

Yennefer nods. Triss feels a rush of grief, familiar by this point, that Siana is a full person now, that Triss missed out, through her own missteps, on seeing her grow.

“I’d like to meet her, sometime. Assuming you’ll let me.” _Assuming we survive this._

Yennefer takes the picture back, tucking it lovingly into the pocket. “I’d - I’d like that.”

There’s a long pause, then Yennefer adds, “I understand why you did what you did. Tissaia was always kinder to you than to others, I understand why you trusted her. I don’t regret what I did. Your actions truly put us in danger. But I understand.”

Triss nods. “And I understand why you reacted the way you did.”

Yennefer smiles, this one both real and aimed at Triss. “Truce?”

“Truce.”

“Let’s go show these fuckers what we’re made of.”


End file.
